The Land of Lisa and Larum's Litany of Love, Lust, and Lively Ligature
by FireIcarus
Summary: In a continent far off from Elibe, a lady named Lisa becomes enamored with the traveling dancer Larum. Along the way, Lisa will have numerous misadventures as she tries to win the heart of the cheery and hyper dancer as her brother Philippe, a talking radish from the god of the new continent, and familiar characters from Binding Blade are dragged along for the ride.
1. Chapter 1: Long Ago, There Was a Radish

**Chapter 1: Long Ago, There Was a Radish**

A young lass named Lisa was walking to a market buy ingredients for some vegetable stew, her brother's favorite meal. Once she gathered the ingredients she wanted to use and was ready to pay for what she had picked out, there was a sudden cheering noise. Lisa, curious about what the commotion was about, quickly paid for the vegetables and ran out of the market square.

It turned out that it was none other than the famous dancer Larum, a well-renowned dancer from the continent of Elibe. Tales of her beauty and grace had traveled beyond Elibe and around the world.

"Wow... I wish I could dance like that..." said Lisa, in a totally enamored whisper. When Larum's performance ended, Lisa went home feeling energized, as if she could take on anything, though she came home later than she should have.

"I'm home, Brother!"

"*sigh* What took you so long? It's nearly sundown and all this work's got me starvin'," he says in a no-nonsense tone.

"Oh, sorry Brother... There was this dancer near the market and she was amazing! I wish I could dance like her..." Lisa says longingly. "Watching her dance was really invigorating. I could prepare a month's worth of stew if I had the ingredients."

"Well, you can't make stew if you're standin' there fawning over some lass with a ribbon..."

"Sorry, Brother. I'll prepare the stew right away!" She goes into the kitchen to cut up the veggies when she suddenly hears a murmuring voice.

"Brother, did you need something?"

"I never said anything. You must be hearing things."

"Oh. Hmm?" The voice is heard by the both of them, this time much louder than before. The siblings go into the kitchen to look for the source of the noise when they notice a radish on the ground. "How odd. I don't remember dropping this..." She reaches down to grab the radish when it suddenly begins to shake. Lisa was spooked and ran right behind her brother for cover.

 _"Greetings, fair siblings!"_

"By the gods, that radish can talk!" yelled Lisa's brother.

 _"I surely can, Young Philippe."_

"How do you know my name?" he asks in total shock.

 _"I am a servant of His Omnipotence. My mission is to help hopeless youths find love, and your dear sister is quite taken with someone at the moment."_

"Why would 'His Omnipotence' send a talking radish to do that?" Lisa interjects. "What would a radish know about romance? Besides, I'm not interested at all. I'm far too busy taking care of the house while Brother works all day every day. I don't have time for romance."

 _"Too much time to write a novel about your daily thoughts, of which many concern your longing for a lover?"_ says the radish in a snide tone.

"I- I do no such thing! House work is very tiring, you know. No one would feel like doing anything after that..."

 _"Young Philippe, if you must know, the novel is hidden under her pillow. Please read at your leisure if you so choose. Just avoid any page that mentions you. You would not be pleased with what you find."_ Philippe looked stunned at the radish. He didn't know whether to take this at face value or not, but Lisa's flush face and angry eyes said it all. _"His Omnipotence granted me clairvoyance. You cannot hide anything from me."_

"Did 'He' also grant you the ability to go well with a boiling hot pot? I have a stew to make and you'd go well with it." Lisa grabbed the radish from off the ground, holding it with her arm outstretched.

 _"Young Lisa, you may not want to do that. It is not wise to defy His Omnipotence."_

"Who is 'His Omnipotence' anyway?" she asked.

 _"I cannot answer that at this time, Young Lisa. However, I can tell you how you can spend some time with the Elibian dancer."_

"Hrrm... Fine, you stupid radish, but only because I'd like meet her... Wait, where are you going, Brother?"

"Gotta see somethin' real quick. Dammit, I'm hungry..."

"Wait, hold on, Brother!"

"Gotta find food!" he disappeared into the further end of the house shortly after.


	2. Chapter 2: In Her Own World

**Chapter 2: In Her Own World**

Lisa clutches the clairvoyant radish before it changed form into a pegasus the size of Lisa's face, to Lisa's complete shock.

 _"Do not be afraid, Young Lisa. My true form is much more terrifying than this. Hee hee,"_ said the radish-turned-pegasus, stifling the giggles.

"What in the gods are you?!"

 _"I am simply known as Raphana. Do you wish to know how to meet Lady Larum or will you waste my time with more questions?"_

"No. How can I meet her?"

 _"She is bound for a ship back to Elibe on the morrow. I could warp you over to the ship, if you would like..."_

"Yes, please. I would like to meet her!"

 _"Then close your eyes and protect your face?"_

"Why?"

 _"You never know what position you will end up in when you are warped. I shall begin the warp spell now."_ Raphana then yells the warp incantation, _"Ecnatsid Prahs!"_ and Lisa vanishes from Raphana's sight.

Lisa appears in the middle of the night in a dark room. She feels around and finds that all of her surroudings are made of wood. The scent of sea salt is in the air. The only other things that Lisa can sense are what feels to be a wooden crate and a small, round stone. Lisa picks up the the stone and suddenly falls asleep. When she awakes, she is confronted by nondescript people standing behind a small orange-haired lady, a lean blue-haired man, and a burlier man with long purple locks.

"Wh- Where am I? Who are you people?! Wh- What's going on?" Lisa stammered with exasperation.

"What are **_you_** doing here? Are you a spy? You look too pretty to be a pirate but you still got on my ship," said the orange-haired lass, who Lisa recognized as Larum.

"I'm sorry... It's a long story, but I really wanted to meet you and I got warped here by a pegasus and-"

"Pegasi can't use staves! You must be a spy for sure! Do you think you can steal my special dance and get away with it?"

"I assure you that I'm not stealing your dance. If anything, your dance stole my heart." The two men flanking Larum listlessly gaze at Lisa as the her expression changed from anger to excitement faster than anyone should be able to.

"My dancing is the best in the world, but flattery will get you nowhere!" exclaims Larum. At this point, Lisa has no choice but to play Larum's game.

"You're right. Your dancing is very invigorating. However, I am not a spy. I do not look like a spy, nor do I have the looks of a dancer. I have no reason to steal your beautiful dances."

"Don't play games with me. You're faking a lack of self-esteem so that I pity you! You're totally a spy dancer!"

"Drat," Lisa thought to herself. "How do I get out of this now...?"

"Since you're a spy and I caught you red-handed, I have no choice but to make you my prisoner," Larum said loudly.


End file.
